This came by email from reader Paul F. Marty and just cracked me up:
Many years ago, my father embarked upon a massive squirrel relocation program in our backyard, having gone through every “squirrel-proof” bird feeder on the market. Every day for more than a month, he trapped a squirrel and drove it miles out of town. I accompanied him on many of these trips, and I remember being fascinated, if not slightly frightened, by the anger of the trapped squirrels. They would claw and bite at the trap with an intensity that bordered on madness, screaming squirrel obscenities at us the entire car ride. When we finally released them, they would often toss us one last snarl before bolting into the woods.
Despite trapping and releasing dozens of squirrels, my father unfortunately made no noticeable dent in our squirrel population, and he became convinced that the squirrels were somehow making their way back to our backyard and his bird feeders. He decided that the only logical solution was to tag the squirrels so that he would know for certain whether they were returning. And so the next morning, a newly caught squirrel found itself face to face with a can of white spray paint.
If I had thought the squirrels angry before, I had underestimated the fury of a caged squirrel covered with white paint. We drove to the country with a squirrel literally shaking with rage. I had never seen a squirrel so angry. When we stopped to release it, it did something no other squirrel had done: It hopped out of the cage, stopped, and stared menacingly at us. It was clearly weighing the balance, and I thought for certain it was going to attack, but at last it turned and bolted like the others, all the while looking like something out of a Pepé le Pew cartoon.
That squirrel never came back. And the funny thing was, after that day, we never had any problems with squirrels eating our bird food. It was clear that a message had been sent to the squirrel community: “Those people are crazy. They will catch you and cover you with white spray paint.”
Good luck with your squirrels, and thanks for the fun read this morning! Best, –Paul
